Of a green bubblegum.

It must be really hard if you’re a judge in a talent show. And it is probably harder if you’re judging it live on television. And the hardest part might be if the show is uber (look, I used it) popular.

I did say this because I’m sure it is really sucky to be a judge. I’m not saying the decisions that they make on who wins in the end. I’m pertaining to the part wherein they have to react on each performance of each contestant.

Imagine this, you’re on hot seat. All eyes are on you. Everybody’s waiting for your “judgical” reaction.

And your mind suddenly stops.

I do hope it is not rude if ever you do this…

“Judge number one, Ms. Biglang-awa, our three thousandth contestant, sang a very great rendition of Umbrella by Rihanna, Reggae version. Can you give us your input?”

“Well, let me see. Uhm. That’s the fiftieth rendition of that wonderful song. I’ve listened to its operatic, rap, rap metal, high-pitched, glam rock, power pop, and opm version of this song but this one is truly…”

Judge number one opens a pocket dictionary. He opens it in a random page. He closes his eyes. Takes his pinky finger and points it randomly on the left page. He looks at the word and takes a deep breath.

“Epitomizing”

Now, I fully understand why Ms. Paula Abdul is as high as a cloud whenever she judges in American Idol.

Randy can always say “dawg” in all his sentences. He can use some words I learned when I was young though. Like Cowabunga and awesome. He looks like a darker version of a ninja turtle.

Simon is British. And they have a lot of words that we don’t really need to understand since most of the time he’ll just be dissatisfied with your performance. And he is somehow madaya too. He’ll just use the word bloody and hell in each performance “evaluation”. Bloody great. Bloody sucky. Bloody get-out-of-the-stage. Bloody Betamax.

Going back with our friend Paula, it is easier for her. She opens her bag. Takes out her X or valium or whatever and she is then transformed to this mumbling Merriam-Webster. “That was as beautiful as a bird that flies by night.” “It was as awesome as the Cry of Himagsikan.” “U rocks!”

I’m expecting some flaming words from Americal Idol fans. Smile.

--=+=--

Here’s a crappy thing about subtitled movies. The movie starts but you’re unsure if there is an English subtitle, so you press the subtitle button.

2/50: Spanish

Then you press it again…

3/50: French

Then press it again…

4/50: Dutch

Maybe you scan and press it for three times…

5/50: German

6/50: Indonesian

7/50: Bahasa

Then you start to get serious with the pressing… you do it for five times…

8/50: Chinese

9/50: Malaysian

10/50: Portuguese

11/50: Indonesian

12/50: Mandarin

Then you just press it for twenty times more… to scan it obviously…

13/50: Fookien

14/50: Korean

15/50: Hindi

16/50:

:

:

Then you really get annoyed and press it until 1/50.

You get surprised obviously when you see this…

50/50: Braille

You stop and you breathe. You tell yourself; at last, finally we’re at 1/50. You press the subtitle button…

1/50: Japanese