Or ey, are you games na?

Who doesn’t want to win a million pesos? Even winning a measly hundred bucks, for sure, will make us giddy the whole day.

Every one knows that gambling is a long shot. If you’re incredibly lucky, then good for you, you can use your luck with it and we’ll forever tell you that “Swerte ka nga sa sugal pero…”

So, let us stick with our strengths meaning let us join game shows instead. And so it can be tell errr told? Telled?

Yeah.

I can probably say I’m a sophomore for the today’s topic and all I can share are tips on how you’ll be, at least, more than par with your co-contestants (at the co-como, eh?) in case you decide to go bold (not daring) and tell the whole world that, “I can do it” (Rob Schneider says: YOU CAN DO IT!).

There are a lot of game shows today and the closest thing to Jeopardy nowadays is PGKNB (or Proctor and Gamble in Katipunan beside the National Bookstore in katipunan also, of course). I’m absolutely sure you wouldn’t say that Wowowee’s questions have the same caliber as PGKNB that would be insulting in a sense. Let us just say that the Sarimanok channel caters to all walks of life.

Me believe it is Procter; it is just read as proctor. I really don’t care actually.

So, it starts with a text message. You text your “raffle coupon” to the game show and wait. No, wait, don’t wait. Don’t get your hopes up. It is much better if you text and forget. It is better if you get surprised. (Here’s a tip: Always text during the first week of the month preferably Mondays.) I guess lady luck is still expected since there are thousands of people who want to join a game show.

Now, a possible text or call will be received and the person in-charge will tell you when you’ll have the initial “exam”. Always remember that they will not adjust with your schedule (ano ka artista? Maarte poide pa). Also, be sure that once you start joining these shows, you are practically (or in a sense) free. The “exam” is pretty easy (naks. Yabang). You just are practically aware of the current events and that’s it. And even though if you went there and took the exam and s**t, it is still possible for you to be removed from the select audience especially if you got a score of 1 or 2 or probably 0.

So, you passed the initial churvae. The last time I went there, the “interview” part was done in the afternoon. The interview is simple, you must have a boom voice and get your balls equipped (or for the ladies out there, inject testosterone. If ever a moustache or a bird este beard grows, shave. But… but… but… you can’t shave the bird, it’s gory-eous. I’m stopping…)

They will also give you instructions on what you should bring on the taping day/s. Tip: Bring bright colored shirts and dresses. Why? Simple, you’ll surely stand out when you watch yourself in TV. And probably tell yourself, “Why the hell am I wearing that stupid shirt?” You just made your first nationwide stupidity, in case. Congratulations.

The organizer or coordinator will inform every one that whoever’s lucky enough to join the actual taping then good for you. If it is not, then it is not your time. Please try again (parang panliligaw lang yan… =)

Then, you wait. The last time I encountered this, it took me less than a week. I think. Basta. It took days only. Again, don’t expect. Your life doesn’t evolve around the game show. Buy your favorite street food and watch your favorite Sexbomb tv show season.

So, somebody texted you, “Congratulations! You have just one 1,000,000 peso. Claim your winning maney at Makikibaka Street, Mandaluyong City! Bring two balid ID’s”.

Obviously, that’s not it. It is usually a call telling you to come to the taping at around 1 in the afternoon. So, what do you need to bring; book, sungka, or an otograp book.

Here’s the great part. The taping usually starts at 4 in the afternoon. So, waiting is a major factor here. It’s waiting under pressure. Just like you’ve waited for your first born, your professional license result, or paying for that needed bottle of water in a twelve item or less grocery cashier with a line as long as the number of people who watched F4’s concert when they went here the first time.

The taping begins. You weren’t called for the 4 pm batch. You watch the whole episode in the sidelines. You, then wait for the next taping that is probably at 7 pm. Then it starts. Then, you weren’t called… again. You wait. Third taping at around 9:30 in the evening. And you still sat there. Waiting. (As one day is equal to three taping day. So, if ever you see a person there who is there for “15” days already then probably he has been there for a minimum of 5 days already) So, what’s the catch? Be ready to sacrifice your leaves and absences in exchange for the thrill and experience of a game show.

Now, you are a lucky person. You were called. Get ready to be ridiculed or bitched or what-not. Be ready for all the green and super green jokes. Just be ready for anything.

And relax. Don’t forget to relax. Always remember that you joined the game because you want to win. So, focus is a key here; listen to the instructions very well (as most Filipinos doesn’t listen or read instructions so much.)

So, that’s it. I won’t give details since the show has been reformatted, again, already. Go on. Try it. Give it a shot. You might be the next millionaire. Good luck to you. And don’t forget my balato.

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So, what’s balato in Engrish?

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I’m sorry if this is long (this is actually on the third MS word page.) Anyhoo, there’s something bad about winning those prizes at those game shows. If you won something from ten thou and up, you have to pay twenty percent of the item or twenty percent will be deducted from your total winnings.

Now, if you’re a poor person and you win a million, you’ll probably get 800K. But that’s not all. You have to give two official identification cards to the person in charge (here’s a tip, how about replaying the time when this person wins the prize. Do you still need an ID?)

And the saddest part? You wait for a month.

Sweet.