Of quick chats with my mom.

Moms are great in everything. I mean when I ask if “Is your mom the greatest person on Earth?” And of course, “a hundred percent yes” will be the polite reply.

I have a few mama-kwento that I’d like to share and for use she’d kill me if she knew I posted this in the Internet where the whole world can read it. Of course, she doesn’t want to be judged with the way that I’ll write this. My family is just plain loco.

So, here’s a few kwento or historya… since it happened.

My mom goes to work with my father as the driver because she can’t use much of her seeing senses anymore, that’s why she doesn’t take the PUV most often. In case we leave her with PUV, we’re expecting death and I’m not joking (or probably some serious injury… yeah). Now, there’s this person (bwahaha, person) who hitched with them to Makati. And my mom told me the history (stories can be non-factual) earlier (we talk a lot).

Mama: Sumabay nung isang araw si (insert name of an office worker here preferably a woman’s name like Jake or Shazam) and na-trauma yata. Hindi na sasabay ulit yun sa min ni Papa.

Adorable Jay-r: Baket?

Mama: Kasi nung sumabay sya si Papa ayaw tumigil bumusina nung na-traffic kami sa may Guadalupe. Sinabi ko itigil na niya. Nung sinasabi ko yun tinutulak-tulak ko sya palabas ng sasakyan at sinabi din na babaan nya yung nasa harapan nyang sasakyan. (in short binully ng nanay ko ang tatay ko)

Beautiful Jay-r: Anong sabi nung sinakay nyo?

Mama: Wala naman pero na bring up kasi to nung sumabay kami sa service (yeah, we know service driver). Halos hindi na daw kasi alam nya yung gagawin nya nung sumabay sya. Takot na takot sya sa kin at gusto na nyang bumaba ng sasakyan. Buti hindi naihi (I just had to add that pee part. Ganda ng effect no?)

Road rage should be provoked just what my mom did. My dad did stop his horn-business and the girl is in an institution right now with a judge order that my mom can’t be near within 500 feet of her (just joking). My mom is nice. My family just does this stuff… a lot.

Now, one dinner night when we (me and my mom) where conversing in the dinner table I brought up her incident a few weeks ago. You see, my mom had a forced menopause due to her Myoma operation. She can’t take in those medicines that can help her due to her a million and one allergic reactions (she can’t even take biogesic the tablet. Bow). That incident was one of her menopause episodes due to some… uhm… family problems (I told her I want a sex change using the circumcision method via guava leaves). She went hysterical (I’m sure if you have a family member who has menopause, you’ll probably do the ayuda with me.) So, with my comedic timing (naks), I told her…

Charming Jay-r: Ma, galit ako. Gusto kong magwala dyan tapos sasabihin ko kunin na ko ni Lord. Natatandaan nyo yung ginawa nyo last last week? Dapat kukuhanan ko yun ng video cam tapos ipo-post ko dapat sa Youtube. “The Effects of Menopause” yung title”.

This came up when she told me that she mentioned this with her officemates. They were laughing (she told me that). And yeah, I’m a bastard of a son.

And this last bit happened last Saturday. We were talking about the Sins of the Father (which will be told in another post) and it went like this.

Darling Jay-r: Ay oo Ma, yung Sins of the Father. Yan yung vegetarian ka all your life pero pagtanda mo posible na ang Makita sa yo ng doctor na may Diabetes ka. Pero ang hindi mo alam yung nanay mo pala pag natutulog ka iniineksyunan ka ng asukal.

Mama: Oo. Kinakanaw yung asukal na yun at ginagawa nga pag tulog ka.

Everything-Good Jay-r: Pero Ma, may good news yan syempre. Sterilized naman yung injection so ok lang.

Mama: Hindi. Disposable yung injection.

Yah. That’s it. We’re a family of retardeds.