Of ah... this is crappy.

The evolution of number two.

I grew up (or studied, whatever fits the construent sentence. Ano daw) in an all-boys Catholic school. One of the greatest fears of a student, especially if you’re still young, is doing the number two. As there are three reasons why you can’t do it in school.

Number one, the comfort rooms in elementary are yucky. No matter how sosyal a school is, and as I’ve said I am studying in an all boys’ school, it is private too, the comfort room will be ultra-uber icky. If the school is uber yaman then probably we can keep the comfort rooms clean to super acceptable. So, that’s number one. Yucky bowls.

Number two, when you’re young you usually need a lot of help when doing number two as teachers won’t go to the bathroom with you and help you, even if it’s a private school. You have to learn to be independent iho; bad for you then.

Lastly, the dreaded “Si ______ tumae! Tumae! Tumae!” And I really do believe this is the most traumatic experience for a child. So, what does he do? Given the number 2 is asking for an action, the kid would then control his bowel movement. So, what will happen next? The uncontrollable secretion of number two in your shorts. And that is way, way, way crappier (pun intended) than what you’ve planned.

Probably in high school, you’ve gotten the control and you’re starting to do number two in a ninja-istic way. You’d probably sacrifice your lunchtime and do it on a comfort room on the higher floors where no one will notice you. The bad thing in this is probably the flush is not working and sooner or later the class will point the fingers at you and tell you that you did it. You’re not a whole actor yet so your nick will probably be poopy-pants in high school or something like that.

In college, the ballgame is entirely different. As you will probably call your school your official second home. As this is the age of rebels and theses, probably you’ll just live in your school to finish all the unfinished stuff that you weren’t able to do during the day due to all the assignments, quizzes, exams, projects, and crappy things that teachers enjoy giving to students. Again, crap.

As I’ve said, this is entirely different; you will probably gain two things here: ego and the adventure in you. Ego in a sense that, “Hey, I’ve done number two in school twice this week. Can you beat that?” or the adventurous type of “The best comfort room to do number two is in this building at this ungodly hour.”

And when you get old, you’d learn what you want. Here’s a tip though, if you need to do number two, do it. It is your nature to excrete fecal matter. If you don’t want to do it then Mr. Cancer is there waiting.

--=+=--

What a crappy post.

(Yeah. That bad.)

Of my food-ing.

Old school animation/cartoons and old-school children show always teaches the young who watch those shows to eat healthy food.

Let’s take Popeye as an example. When I was young, I wasn’t really aware of what spinach is (mahal kasi, foor lang kami. Walang mamahaling fagkain sa hafag ng lamesa). I think I just ate enough spinach when I ate in one of those Italian restos (yey. I have money na. Wait, libre lang yung ng friend ko. Bwahahaha. Yung mayaman kong friend na babaeng bakla. Bwahahaha). And Popeye becomes strong whenever he eats those spinach-canned goods. And as a youngster, I end up eating malunggay since you can get those in your backyard and it is green. I just don’t get the tremor-type movement in my muscles.

How about Bugs Bunny? He loves to eat carrots. There was a time that I asked my mom to buy me carrots and I ate it uncooked. That took me two minutes and I returned the uncooked carrot to my mom. We had Afritada (I think its Menudo. Who cares?) that night. I still ate the carrots though.

And our ever-trusting Batibot, it provides us with songs that relates to the “healthier” food group (those that are fruits and those that are vegetables and bangus). There’s this gulay song that says that kids should eat vegetables.

And I love vegetables and even fruits (though there aren’t anything above that pertains to any fruit, let’s leave that to fruit-flavored candies).

Now, these kids grew up (probably they are part of my generation), and obviously as grown teens or young adults it would not be part of our viewing tastes to watch shows like that. It is uberly weird to enjoy Batibot in this day and age unless of course if you have your own children (and you are malandi if you have children ten years ago, my age, whatever the calculation for Math is. Syet. Ang gulo na.)

Thank a supreme being for the understanding-ation of movie outfits and producers and directors. Since they know that we don’t watch those shows anymore, they’ve provided us movies that will still remind us to eat healthy food (ang kulit ko din no. Basta, I find vegetables and fruits healthy. Beh!)

So, we should thank them for reminding us to eat Talong, Pinya, and Kangkong.

Even though these don’t comprise the whole healthy food realm, I still want to thank them for reminding us these foods and for us to eat the right stuff.

Hopefully we can still produce films with themes like these.

Mabuhay ang Pelikulang Pilipino (These were shown during the late 90’s… as if we really care.)

--=+=--

(Chet. Pramis. Total waste of time to. Bwahahaha. Boo. Kulang pa ng Itlog sa food group! Bwahahaha. Tsaka Gatas. Mas effective to siguro kung maraming movies na may pagkain. Mani at Lipistik. Pakwan ni Manang. Ampalaya ni Mang Jose. Hotdog and Eggs. This suck and this is so sleazy.)

Of tsentee.

I used to play World of Warcraft. I’m months free, thanks to my wonderful EQ; I was able to control myself in playing it. This game will literally control your life. If you’ve tried The Sims or something (probably some MMORPG game like Ragnarok) in that level and you loved playing the game, I may say that this game has one of the most time-consuming games I’ve played so far. This is next to Civilization, Monkey Island, Adventure Island, and Ice Climber.

You see, the point of this game is to follow quests. A lot of quests and you have to do and finish them. After finishing a quest, you just have to do the next quest. And so on and so forth. To understand this POV, you have to open Youtube, look for an episode of South Park and look for the one with World of Warcraft. The episode says it all.

Quest

Quest

Quest

Quest

Oh… and level up-ing..

And that’s it. The replay-ability of the game is unlimited. That’s why you really must have this great controlling factor and tell yourself, “Hey, I have a life. I have to attend to my beauty pageant duties, my night life that provides me salary or allowance, and my ingrown. I forgot my ingrown. I know you’ve been hurting. I’m sorry. I’ll pull you out in just… a… minute… Ugh…”

Probably just like our lives. We’d probably get tired of the crappy things that we do every single day. We all have our own quests and it is entirely up to us if we’ll continue about it (if it is important and urgent) or we’ll leave and destroy it because it compromises with another “quest”. As we are only human beings and we don’t have extra hands or multiple personas or a death grip (wouldn’t you just want to have this grip? You just have to use your right hand and pinch some part of the neck. Asteeg diba? Kick-ass Bruce Lee move yan.)

I really do hope we’re happy with what we’re doing. This is to every one who drops by this blog and enjoys your life. I always say to myself that life is short; you don’t know what will happen to you or your pet iguana. Live life, die happy. Of course, death is not an option but shouldn’t we be all happy that we are breathing and thanking God that he gave us this life?

No, I’m not getting preachy here. I’m not interested to stand up in front of a bus and say my translation of the bible (eh kasi ganito yan. Hindi talaga apol yung kinain ni eba. Grapes yun! Kulay pula. Malaki nga lang. Like duh, hello, Garden of Eden yan. E di syempers ang mga pagkain dyan hitik na hitik, malaki, at masarap. E ang mga Hapon nga nakakapag-produce ng giant churva. E si God pa kaya) and hand out empty envelopes asking for moolah. (I really hate these creeps. Wala lang. I choose my own religion diba?)

The point is. Be happy (sabi nga ni manong big bubuyog). No matter how small it is.

--=+=--

Aaahhh. Jay-r’s optimism. Boo. Down with happiness! Bring out the Black Santa!

Of yeah...

The only time a guy will shriek like a little girl is when something crawls up his leg unexpectedly. I mean, I’m not entirely sure if all guys experience this but what do you want me to do when a cockroach or a big spider crawls up my legs? Do a Japanese girl’s cute laugh while covering my mouth with both hands? Wouldn’t be that entirely weird if I do that?

Or is it just me?

In the future, I’m planning to create some invention that will enhance these creatures to un-surprise the human race especially the male population. As the male ego is the most important part of his life and body… next to his hair.

I might make these creatures mini-cyborgs or we can install sensors that will tell us that they are coming right at us.

I don’t want to see anyone see me shriek like a girl and especially big men who look macho and stuff.

Wait. A lot of people have seen and heard me shriek like a girl. So, we’ve past that already.

Maybe, I just don’t want strangers to see me more often than I do it.

Crawling creatures create less shriek if they crawl up your shoulder due to the point that your clothes have sleeves and the closest thing of clothing on your feet are your shoes, socks, and pants. What if you’re wearing shorts? Will you be saved from that supposedly embarrassing situation? What if you’re having a date with the hottest chick (this is so derogatory… let’s change it to a biatch… I mean… a cute pretty lady individual)?

Or… or… we can teach them how to talk. We can get some good tutor and teach them the English. We can even teach them sign language lessons but I know that money is usually the problem in this kind of cases unless the president of the United States of America would provide us some fabuloso help then we’re not that screwed; as he would probably believe in the situation.

Next time, we’ll solve the issues on men and sports. These games or sports make men really girly. I mean would you want to see your dad cry on national television because he won a freaking cockfight? I know money can be probably an issue here. I mean winning a hundred thousand bucks out of a win over poultry is good but weird.

--=+=--

Isn’t it nice to read something entirely useless and feel that you’ve just spent a minute or two of your life reading it?

Life is not fair. (Yuck)

Of some yum yum yum.

How delicious is a person?

Have you ever thought about this? I mean I usually hear this on television or in the movies.

“Ang sarap mo…”

So, as Homo sapiens, are we that delicious? How do we taste: sweet, sour, salty, or tasty? Can we be available in fast food stores or restaurants?

Can we be stuffed? Can garnishes be garnished inside and outside of us?

Do we contain the necessary nutrients for a person’s daily needs? Do we contain omega-3, phytochemicals, and your usual vitamins and minerals?

How much calorie can we give?

Are the lotsa questions about this post is becoming stupid? How stupid are we, as humans? Is it really true that the white race is the supreme race hence the black and the brown are mainly for slavery skills only? Where does one lie with the intelligence advantage? When you say you’re smart, does it mean that your high IQ is the sole basis for everything excluding EQ and such?

And you taught this is a sleazy post.

--=+=--

I’ve been watching this movie, The Beastmaster and I was kind of surprised with some churva.

Usually, before watching a film, I check it in IMDB first and then see the comments and reactions of those who’ve watched it and such. It gave me some early expectations if the movie is fabuloso or pffft.

Now, someone gave some comments that say, “When I was young and I watched this with glee. It was memorable and I really loved the movie.”

There’s nothing wrong with that. I mean when we were young we usually enjoy movies.

So, I started watching the movie and I was kind of shocked. There were boob shots. Not Once but two! Err twice!

Aaahhh.. That’s why it was memorable. You little sleazy kid you.

--=+=--

(I swear my mom’s gonna kill me that every time something happens in our house I immediately post it. Yeah, i’m bad.)

So, my mom is suffering from something related to her uric and he bones. She can’t move much of her left arm. There is extreme pain.

She told me to buy this foam cervical collar. If you’re familiar with those people who wear something that looks like a neck brace then that’s it. But it’s not a neck brace. But it looks like one and it’s white. But it’s not a neck brace. It is not a neck brace.

It is a foam cervical collar. (but it’s not a neck brace… it’s a foam…)

If you’re not familiar with what I’m saying, google the wife of Eddie Guerrero and check her neck. If you see some white stuff, she probably could’ve eaten some Carbonara.

I’m planning to video her and I’ll be calling her…

Robo-mom. (as my mom’s officemate call her Ninja Turtle, that sounds much better, isn’t it?)

I have to make paalam first.

And this is so juvenile.

Of Papa boo.

Look, look Dick look. She’s gonna marry Jane some day.

This is not a shot from an aviary or a zoo. It is a shot from someday else’s backyard (it is our backyard actually).

Meet Google 1 and Google 2, termed by my mom. I’d rather call them Boo 1 and Boo 2. They are pabo or turkey (it is turkey right? God, I’m not really sure what these birds are. Hehehe).

They were given to my dad by somebody I know but you don’t know the person and you don’t know my family very well so there’s no point in writing that person’s name here or his relation with our family. What is important is why they are here. Yeah, here in the internet; where there are a million and one pictures of who’s who of animals that’s tripped by their owners by dressing them as the cutest hotdog or a basketball player or even a paparazzi reporter.

Now, this is all actually about the emotional attachment for our pets or some thing like a pencil that your best friend whom you’ve had a fight with for the last two years and was gunned down when he went to the middle east and he won’t be able to go back to the Philippines because he doesn’t want to but you miss him that’s why you don’t want to throw that pencil whose length is left to four inches long. Yes, that kind of emotional attachment.

Would you like for me to repeat that again in yodel? (Like calling… Yodel! Yochico! Bwahahaha.)

I told my mom I won’t feed those birds. They told me that those birds will be eaten this December and I can’t stand the sight of them being killed and all. I mean I fed them. It will absolutely hurt.

It is hard to let go.

Like feeding your child and you find out that they’ll be eaten this December. Wouldn’t you feel the same way as I do? Of course, the same logic applies to each.

Basta, I will not feed those birds.

They’re cuter than chickens though and less noisy.

Of zzzzzzz na naman.

There’s this term ‘Sins of the Father’ that I tried to Wiki but I haven’t found an article on it. I’m also too lazy to do some Googling. I’m interested with this because I know it’s true and I also know that the church believes in it.

Oh, i’m not entirely sure if the church believes in it but I know they do believe in the term. (this is one on those we’re not going to teach you about this since it requires a lot of training and seminars and what-not.)

(So, seryoso ba tong post na to. Medyow. Parang medyas ni Santa Claus.)

This is related to some past post about people having diseases that they shouldn’t have. For example, if you had AIDS and you got it inside a movie house then somebody could’ve injected it to you. Seriously, as I’ve said before, if you have diabetes and you know you’re not into sweets when you were young but you do know that genes or some of your family members have this then probably, just probably, you had some bad ancestors.

As sins of the father and genetics might be the factor in this, let’s remove the genetics aside for the meantime. Let’s stick with what we have.

I do believe that whatever strains of sickness you have right now might’ve been cause by your bad ancestors. (kaya nga sya tinawag na sins of the father). It is sort of a bad karma caused by the head of the family. It may not affect the people around you at the present but it may happen or appear two or more generations after you.

Let’s take Rudy Fernandez’s case. He died in agony. It’s bad, right? Yes. Did you know that this guy is a good person when he was young (as he is until the day he died). Then, why should he have to endure that shit even if he was good all his life? Let’s back track to his sister and his father. From what I gathered, the dad is a “bad” person and I think he did some bad things to the daughter, which is Rudy’s sister. And this sister had to sell her body and soul to feed Rudy.

Why is it that Rudy had to take that crap? Bad genetics? Probably.

How about the sins of his father and bad karma?

How do we break this? I know the church supports these kinds of cases. You can go to the nearest knowledgeable priest and ask help or if somebody in your family knows something in this idea then your whole clan can break it.

Everybody has to believe though.

--=+=--

(magulo yata ang explanation. Hehehe. At parang serious nga yata to. Wala akong joke e. Ay, meron sa baba. Pero pramis seryoso to. Peksman.)

Let’s eat na lang sa Conti’s (I wanna eat there) sa tabi lang sya ng Dami’s. (Paulit-ulit na lang ang joke).

Of surviving.

Wow. I can’t believe it. We’ve actually acquired the franchise or the rights for Survivor. It stars the former Destiny’s Child’s babes.

No.

I’m actually talking about the television show Survivor. Hosted by Jeff Prose. Probe. Frost?… Jeff P.

Can I repeat the first part? Seems that the first intro didn’t have that much kick. I have the power for this kind of situation so here goes…

Wow. I can’t believe it. We’ve actually acquired the franchise or the rights for Survivor. Just like the other fifty-nine countries that’ve actually done it already.

Much better.

So, I haven’t had the slightest idea how the actual show looks like. I’ve only seen the promo and the teasers in channel seven (I might not be able to watch the whole season) but some folks are starting to get hooked on the series.

It is fairly simple. We get a lot of individuals who auditioned through the long-lined Megamall thingy; we don’t conform with the usual send us your video. We go to a foreign Asian land. We let them swim for a length of one kilometer. They create tribes (usually two). One individual goes bye-bye depending on the show’s decision. The tribe merges. The final showdown between two or three people and that’s it, a plot twist in the end. Then, after six months the winner will be announced (as the actual time of the stay of the Survivor’s stay had long been finished and the final contestants are literally dying to learn who won.)

See. I’ve seen a lot of Survivor seasons already. I know the formula. I used to be a Survivor-hioolic. I just can’t remember all the names of all the contestants and the winners. (Is there a Joey?)

In our version, there’s a plot twist. Every one should be beautiful except for two individuals (one male and one female) who is not at par with the others given that they will stand out despite the fact that the viewing public doesn’t like them because they are not their kras and they have no choice. No texting involved. Boo-hoo pathetic viewer.

As average Joe’s in our local showbiz is a big taboo. (Unless if the average Joe plans to take up comedy, then every one’s up for it.)

How discrimanatormanatorrent. (yep, this is a word. Look it up at www.thereisnosuchthingasthiswordpramis.com.ph)

Usually a joke or two will come up if ever Survivor is done in the Philippines. The usual would be surviving in Mindanao, surviving in Divisoria, etc.

We can also add a few more ideas for that. Surviving a concert full of emo. Surviving Anabelle Rama’s katarayan. Surviving an episode of Wowowee as a live audience. Surviving twenty-four hours worth of Hip-Rap CD listening. And Surviving Kuya Germs non-stop bad puns.

I’m sure Survivor Philippines will survive. If I’m channel 2 they should’ve done an Amazing Race Philippines. I’m sure that’s a good battle.

--=+=--

(wala lang. Gusto ko lang mag-react. Gusto ko kasing manood. Wala akong time. Boo-hoo pathetic office worker.)

Of some booze.

Ang sarap malasing no? Yung pagsimula pa nga lang sa pag-inom masarap na. Maaari kang mamili ng paborito mong alak. Meron nung pang dyologs tulad ng lapad o pwede din bilog. Meron sa sosyalin tulad ng lights o yung mga tinatawag na mixed drinks tulad ng Margarita at Sex on the Beach. Kanya-kanyang panlasa din. Pwede sa dyologs ang sosyal na inumin at iba pa.

At ganun din sa pagkakaroon ng isang relationship.

Ang pagmamahal walang pinipiling edad, gender, status, katayuan sa buhay, layo ng lugar, o kung ano pang hokus-pokus. Ganyan kagaling pumana si Mr. Kupido. Pag tumama at sumapol ang kakambal na bala ng pana, taob ang lahat. Pati na yung limang taong mong inayos na domino setup.

Kumbaga, maraming klase at maraming type. Sabihin mo man na ang alak hindi nakakapili, sa yo pa din naman manggagaling ang desisyon kung masasarapan ka sa lasa ng alak na to-its.

At hindi pa tapos ang lahat ng ito.

Darating ang araw na may magugustuhan kang uri ng alak. Yun bang personal favorite mo. Maaaring ito lang ang iniinom mo simula nung uminom ka ng alak. O kaya’y pumatok ang lasa sa yo kaya ayaw mo nang magpalit.

Parang pagmamahal yan.

Dyan ka na tatambay. Oo, sa uri ng alak na yan. Hanggang mamatay.

Pero sabi nga nila pag nasobrahan ka sa alak at hindi mo na kinaya ang powers ng alak. Maaaring magkaroon ng masamang epekto sa yo ang kalupitan ng alak na ito. Ganun talaga e. Wala kang magagawa. At kadalasan ang una mong gagawin ay isuka ng isuka ng isuka ang lahat ng ito. Kung ano man ang kinain mo nung gabing yun, aynaku, daig pa ng sansinukuban ang dami ng isusuka mo kasabay minsan ang napakasakit nang nararamdaman ng isang sumusuka.

Syet. Yung masakit na masakit. Alam mo yun? Yung kulang na lang ay ilabas mo na ang apdo at atay mo. At mapapa omaygad ka talaga. Sa sakit.

Parang break-up. Lalong lalo na kung first time. Potah. Ang sakit nun. Pramis. Para kang nilagay sa timba ng kumukulong suka. Akala mo ikaw yung baboy na ililitson.

Pero syempre. Lilipas ang panahon. Maaaring matuto ka sa lahat.

Maaaring maging tanga ka at subukan ulit ito.

Tao ka lang kasi.

--=+=--

Pramis. Pwede mong i-kumpara ang lahat sa pag-ibig kahit dumi.

Advertisment: the reply (remember, remember the basketball player)

sim 2 u.

Of a gossip folk.

As they say, “Kapag hitik na ang bunga, may pupulot ng bato at ito ay babatuhin hanggang tamaan nya ang isang pirasong duhat.” Or something like that.

As the internet is the latest, sure-fire, way of gaining underground information or faster than a dyaryo newspaper, we’re sure that half of it is usually true. See E-heads: The Reunion (heck, that is one bad concert title. It should’ve been E-heads: Walang Nagbago.)

So, as it is, Mr. Manny “as early as now he’s really trying to get every one’s attention because for sure he’s running for the presidency, chet” Villar is having this anti-obscenity & anti pornography act of 2008 with the following whatever-you-call-it:

(1) showing, depicting or describing sexual acts;

(2) showing, depicting or describing human sexual organs or the

(3) showing, depicting or describing completely nude human

(4) describing erotic reactions, feelings or experiences on sexual female breasts; bodies; acts; or

(5) performing live sexual acts of whatever form.

Now, what’s wrong with this? I mean, I’m not a supporter of pornography but he shouldn’t have done this due to numerous reasons (but make sure that those Most Wanted publishers should be jailed for bad pun and ugly faces).

There’s the voting public. Men, for sure, have a great voting number and that includes the post teens, yuppies and young oldies (don’t forget the dirty old men). Basing this on FHM, if there are a lot of people buying their stuff then obviously their votes are, for sure, anti-Villar.

Then, the number of scantily clad starlets will probably decline. How about the talk shows? Who can they guest? The same old crappy celebrities; dang, we’re not fond of them anymore. (sawa na kami). We want new blood. (yung hindi marunong mag-ingles masyado or yung nagpipilit mag-ingles pero yung ep nila lasang pi.)

These are lad mags. Pinoys have a skill of making-lusot to a new level. Probably after these magazines are lost in the madlang people then probably there’ll be a new form of media. Internet probably or maybe there’ll be the return of the comeback of those vulgar tabloids as the head of Abante might turn away his Pastor lives and live again in a state of sin (ooops. Joke lang po ito. Ayaw kong mahabla.)

If this affects the movie industry, then we’re doomed. Promise. It’s like that MTRCB chief who banned The Schindler’s List and The Piano and Belle Epoque. No more art films. We’ll all end up to the usual comedy movies by Willie Revillame as he is planning to do a Wowowee movie, pordyosporsanto.

As Pinoy movies excel with those daring art films. (Yari na talaga, wala na tayong pag-asa sa Cannes at dun sa German filmfest. Yung may Teddy Bear).

And lastly, the church is our moral fiber for the society. I haven’t heard anything from them. The last time is when they banned Playboy due to its name and how it was depicted before. And just a hunch, they might join Villar regarding this one. (The church might have done something already; I have no idea what happened then.)

I don’t know. It seems that Mr. Villar here didn’t check what he is doing. Why don’t he just create a committee (trust me, our government is good with this crap) and let that committee do the control of these lad mags. I’m sure there are other important things that need to be focused on instead of creating these kinds of laws.

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(Bwahaha. Pinagtatanggol ko ang FHM. Mawawala na yung stupid jokes nila at yung true to life stories e.)

And did someone say breasts? (insert Beavis laugh here)

Think about this one though, will you sign the signature campaign for these lad mags?

--=+=--

What is a Lad Mag. Search wiki.

Of ur usual Targrod crap.

I do hope Filipinos can own a kick-ass television station that can give us “local” versions of PG or even R rated animation and non-animated television shows. Or even just a weird show ala Strangebrew. (I know this idea is Malabo since money matters. Broadcast equipment is worth more than you and your family. Hehehe)

Since I’ll be talking about the baddies for the eyes, I suggest you stop reading as the theme might end up being bastos.

Before the bastos part… how about televisions shows that gives us Jessica Zafra ala Daria or how about our very own local Celebrity Deathmatch? Imagine episodes of the casts of Wowowee versus Eat Bulaga or old school such as an episode for TGIS versus Gimik.

I’m entirely sure they’ll be fun if you enjoy clay animation and gore.

How about a local television version of Beavis and Butthead? The plot is entirely simple, a province (I’m not getting stereotypical here. Ok?) type of duo that is unintelligent and sexually immature and they live in the urban area. The show will be offered with simple tasks with highly retardistic way of them acting in an episode. I’m sure MTRCB will have their medicine for the heart in case they find out about this.

And the script; the script is super simple. Two stupid guys who have some super sense on sexual words as their dialogue consists of:

Beavis: “uh-huh-huh-huh… sinabi mo __________.”

Butthead: “oo nga, ___________, huh-huh-uh-huh.”

These are the some words that are possible for the blanks shown above: itlog, talong, hotdog, nakapatong, nakatihaya, pinya, hiwa, hiniwa, nakabukaka, panty, kikiluhin, titimbangin, kikinis yun, hubad, Bee Jay, … I think I have enough and obviously you’re probably getting my point (I originally planned to write down a hundred words but it needs some research and I’m really lazy to do that).

I’m just missing some visual Strangebrew. I know they have a radio show and I might still get the usual dosage of SB (they call their show Brew-rats. Go figure) but it is fairly different to see Ramon Bautista, Tado, and even Angel do their stuff in a television show.

I used to watch the Not So Late Night with Jojo A when he was still in RJTV. I enjoyed crappy parts of the show. There are even times when I just have to laugh whenever they have some problems with their audio; as the production was really crappy but I enjoyed it.

Right now, I’m planning to watch the local version of Survivor. I’m planning to go back Pilipinas GKNB watching again. And tidbits of all those local showbiz shows, as all of these celebrities’ lives are important.

Exclusibo!!! Nabuntis ng aso ni Dennis Trillo ang aso ni Kristine Reyes. Mamya na! Exclusibo!

Crap.

Of poo-tek.

This came up when one character in Coupling told the other character about new things you can create out of Jelly Wrestling.

How about Mud-wrestling?

Mud wrestling is not really a sport. Well, sort of. It is more of an art for the feast full eyes of drunks and jocks and frat boys and you-know-the-idea.

I have a question first. Where do they get the mud? I mean, basically its dirty (from what I understand) and then you’ll get lots of diseases in case you orally intake the mud. So, how do they get clean mud? Is it really mud by the way? I mean most of the time, I see it, and it looks like lots-a chocolate. And of course, it is not. I’ll leave this idea hanging though.

Now, moving on to the mud-wrestling match itself, why is it that movie(s) that contain mud wrestling contain girl on girl battle. And sometimes they include an old guy who usually dies of a heart attack. U-huh. Die happy.

Why can’t we place two guys in bikinis? I mean, is mud-wrestling for women only? That, is like, ssooooo sexist. I thought we are in the modern ages or industrial or what-ev where all genders are created equal. As men are getting preggy at the present so why is it that there’s no guy to guy mud-wrestling battle?

I just remembered that there are times when one-guy battles two women and all I can think of is “kawawa naman yung guy. Mabubugbog sya.”

Now, let us be realistic. As we all know mud wrestling are usually for the women only. So, what happens to the mud after it had been used? Will they throw the mud to the pigpen?

(sayang ang mud. Magiging mad ka ba pag nasayang ang mud? hehehe)

How about this? We take all those mud. Place it in a jar. Sell it.

Mud pack for guys. We can label the mud pack as “two women swam in this mud, now’s the chance for you, lucky guy, to experience a post mud-wrestling mud right at your own living room.”

Mud Pack… for the loser in you.

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Game 1 tomorrow. Good luck Archers! (or later)

Archer fan post will be done before the second game.

Of I-wub-OPM dos.

I really don’t know how to start with this…

Should I say “People we should kill right now, as in now na.” or “Every time this song plays on the radio, a great flood will follow”.

See the pictures above? I’m sure they are fairly familiar. Thanks to a random site searched on Google, I was able to pinpoint the crap above.

I originally planned on posting the pictures of Ms. Ganda and Dj Sundalong Bata but it is really taking me a hard time to look for their pictures. I mean, they are “famous” in the radio and that’s it. Ergo, it would be a gem if ever I find a picture or two. (See the first quoted sentence above and mix it with this paragraph)

I’m not really angry at them but it is fairly obnoxious of them to recreate gasgas songs. It’s like “uy, natatandaan nyo ba yung mga sikat na kanta last year at ngayong taon? Yun bang mga kantang wantusawang pinatutugtog sa radio na halos yun na lang yung mga kanta na maririnig mo sa fx, bus, at dyip? Bakit hindi natin sila i-tagalog? Maganda siguro yun kasi pamilyar na ang mga tao sa mga kantang yan. Sisikat tayo! Yayaman tayo!” (e p***ngina nyo… siyeeeettttt…)

Just a few years ago, some people were outraged (including moi) when Salbakutah killed (killed is an understatement actually) a Barbra Streisand song. This bad use of a chorus of a song, mixing it with Pinoy hiphop, uhm… no words can really explain it. But you know what I’m driving here.

A Tagalized version of a song is meant to be funny. It is purely novelty. That’s why TVJ and Michael V made bucks because these songs are not meant to be played over and over and over again. In case it is played then the translation was funny and good. Remember Weird Al’s You Don’t Love Me Anymore? It is a funny and good song (and I shouldn’t have included it here. The point is that the song is funny). And I liked May Isa Na Namang Kumagat Sa Alikabok or even Dalawa Naging Isa.

But they weren’t made gasgas; only the OPM song Sinaktan Mo Ang Puso Ko which is quite understandable.

Now kids, we get serious with this stuff. Cheap as it may seem but these “singers” (actually Ms. Ganda’s father is an arranger and she lives with a family of musicians, blah blah) are riding with something famous so that they’ll get famous too even in a bad way (as bad publicity IS good publicity).

I am actually fed up with these songs even if the timeframe is not as long as the songs of Christian and Mark Bautista and Sheryn Regis (as they always lead the top ten videos in Myx). Why? Simple; we’ve already listened to them and mainstream suck.

I have no more to offer here. Please, no more Payong or Lawlaw. As I’ve already listened to a remix version of Payong and it’s not nice.

I’m switching to Bollywood.

Of I-wub-OPM uno.

I rarely buy original audio CDs. I usually buy it if:

- It is a newly released album from my favorite band.

- The album is kick-ass.

- Sale.

And that’s it. I usually just copy albums I wanna hear from my friend’s folders or downloading them via torrent or kazaa (bwahaha. Kazaa.)

I now welcome the latest addition of my collection. Sugarfree Live! With Manila Orchestra (I can’t remember the name of the orchestra. Sorry, inhumane only).

It is a great album I tell you. If you loved the String Quartet songs that came out last year (again, you can get this one via Kazaa. Oo nga Kazaa. Pramis. O sya, sa Napster meron din) then this is quite different. The String Quartet compared to this CD is pfft, there’s no Ebe in those String Quartet albums.

As Sugarfree is my favorite band in these times (and Parokya Ni Edgar is the other, though they are declining, I really had to say this), I love each and every song they sang in the CD.

And I will be ranting till eternity because I wasn’t able to attend this concert. Whatever the reason was, I’ll be betting cutting off my pinky finger for what I did. But the CD saved me from doing it so I guess its all gooooddd.

There’s one song that struck me though. Still Fighting It. I love this song. Really and promise. If you know Ben Folds then you know this song probably. Remember that Ben Folds is not related to Fen Bolds. Hardy har har.

Adeek.

So that’s it. This CD is greatly recommended to every one. There’s a free Pugad CD with the carrier single Pugad by Sugarfree of course and some coupons from Dencios.

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This is merely a rave post. (ang hirap na palang gumawa ng reviews. Hehehe.)

I wub Sugarfree.

Ebe Dancel, will you marry me?

“O kay tagal din kitang minahal… O kay tagal din kitang minahal!!!!!

At matagal kitang mamahalin…”

Of quick chats with my mom.

Moms are great in everything. I mean when I ask if “Is your mom the greatest person on Earth?” And of course, “a hundred percent yes” will be the polite reply.

I have a few mama-kwento that I’d like to share and for use she’d kill me if she knew I posted this in the Internet where the whole world can read it. Of course, she doesn’t want to be judged with the way that I’ll write this. My family is just plain loco.

So, here’s a few kwento or historya… since it happened.

My mom goes to work with my father as the driver because she can’t use much of her seeing senses anymore, that’s why she doesn’t take the PUV most often. In case we leave her with PUV, we’re expecting death and I’m not joking (or probably some serious injury… yeah). Now, there’s this person (bwahaha, person) who hitched with them to Makati. And my mom told me the history (stories can be non-factual) earlier (we talk a lot).

Mama: Sumabay nung isang araw si (insert name of an office worker here preferably a woman’s name like Jake or Shazam) and na-trauma yata. Hindi na sasabay ulit yun sa min ni Papa.

Adorable Jay-r: Baket?

Mama: Kasi nung sumabay sya si Papa ayaw tumigil bumusina nung na-traffic kami sa may Guadalupe. Sinabi ko itigil na niya. Nung sinasabi ko yun tinutulak-tulak ko sya palabas ng sasakyan at sinabi din na babaan nya yung nasa harapan nyang sasakyan. (in short binully ng nanay ko ang tatay ko)

Beautiful Jay-r: Anong sabi nung sinakay nyo?

Mama: Wala naman pero na bring up kasi to nung sumabay kami sa service (yeah, we know service driver). Halos hindi na daw kasi alam nya yung gagawin nya nung sumabay sya. Takot na takot sya sa kin at gusto na nyang bumaba ng sasakyan. Buti hindi naihi (I just had to add that pee part. Ganda ng effect no?)

Road rage should be provoked just what my mom did. My dad did stop his horn-business and the girl is in an institution right now with a judge order that my mom can’t be near within 500 feet of her (just joking). My mom is nice. My family just does this stuff… a lot.

Now, one dinner night when we (me and my mom) where conversing in the dinner table I brought up her incident a few weeks ago. You see, my mom had a forced menopause due to her Myoma operation. She can’t take in those medicines that can help her due to her a million and one allergic reactions (she can’t even take biogesic the tablet. Bow). That incident was one of her menopause episodes due to some… uhm… family problems (I told her I want a sex change using the circumcision method via guava leaves). She went hysterical (I’m sure if you have a family member who has menopause, you’ll probably do the ayuda with me.) So, with my comedic timing (naks), I told her…

Charming Jay-r: Ma, galit ako. Gusto kong magwala dyan tapos sasabihin ko kunin na ko ni Lord. Natatandaan nyo yung ginawa nyo last last week? Dapat kukuhanan ko yun ng video cam tapos ipo-post ko dapat sa Youtube. “The Effects of Menopause” yung title”.

This came up when she told me that she mentioned this with her officemates. They were laughing (she told me that). And yeah, I’m a bastard of a son.

And this last bit happened last Saturday. We were talking about the Sins of the Father (which will be told in another post) and it went like this.

Darling Jay-r: Ay oo Ma, yung Sins of the Father. Yan yung vegetarian ka all your life pero pagtanda mo posible na ang Makita sa yo ng doctor na may Diabetes ka. Pero ang hindi mo alam yung nanay mo pala pag natutulog ka iniineksyunan ka ng asukal.

Mama: Oo. Kinakanaw yung asukal na yun at ginagawa nga pag tulog ka.

Everything-Good Jay-r: Pero Ma, may good news yan syempre. Sterilized naman yung injection so ok lang.

Mama: Hindi. Disposable yung injection.

Yah. That’s it. We’re a family of retardeds.

Of a waste-of-time.

Something came up to me last night. Something was revealed…

It all started with Friendster (or something in this sense, I mean I’ve talked about this crap more than a dozen times already). Friendster helped us connect with long lost friends or friends of friend of friend of Leopoldo Navarette (whoever that is). Even our long-distanced friends and family, we found them using Friendster. And we poked fun at each other’s profiles. From what-the-eff are their avatars (or pictures) and Hey-I-didn’t-know-you-watched-Coney-Reyes-On-Camera when you were little or not so little. So mainly, Friendster offered the favorites, the slambook type of reference. And you get to compare yours with hers/his that is entirely another thing; if you’re a stalker this will suit you well for your initial stalking phase.

Before Friendster, there was Livejournal or GJ or some other blog sites that informed every one of our daily churvaness. You write your crap, every one reads it. Everybody’s happy. At least every one’s updated with your crap. And somehow, especially LJ or GJ, these can be manufactured with the existing network sites.

Multiply came (and for me, me love Multiply) and mixed a lot of things. And now, even our favorite music and videos (from metube or hertube? Sounds like Fallopian) were shared to all. I mean you can now update your favorite music to your friends. And proudly say, “Hey, I’m listening to Ms. Ganda”. Which is also catered to us by Ilike; the sole purpose of it is to show each and every one your playlist.

I’m not finished. There’s more. There’s Shelfari (joketime: friend sya ni Shelmadre. Bwahahaha.) that shares your bookish life with outsiders. At least you’ll know who reads books and this is really a great networking site in case you don’t know what to give to that person if he/she has his/her birthday. Movie networking sites are somehow hard to look for. With a lotsa-movies that people see each month, which has the time to update them daily. It’s nakakatamad.

There’s also Twitter and Plurk, which informs everybody the nitty-gritty details of our brain. We write here what we want to do or such. (I’m not sure if Twitter is really like Plurk. Bastos time: Jump to the next paragraph if you’re clean as he who casts the first stone is a wizard. You see Twitter is for guys and Plurk is for gals. Why? Elmer Fudd says, “I love Twitter. I Twitter twee twimes a day”. Nicole Ayala then says, “Hay naku! Nakaka Plurkey!!!!”)

If you’re not sanay with yucky-kwento, stop reading.

Now, as I’ve said, (wait, I didn’t say anything yet) we are practically showing ourselves in public. Our almost private lives are written in the Internet and then we let other people read it. It’s like free chismis but without the most juicy details because I’m sure those dark dark secrets will remain as dark as Whitney Tyson.

I thought of something. Let’s create a networking site. It’s bombsaway.com and its main purpose is to inform every one of our dirty details. Yes, number one and number two. Since, we’re so naked na, let’s include what we usually do in the morning. Hey, the site will be semi-animated to make it funny and not yucky. We’ll have funny icons like the two guys in South Park, they ain’t bad. And there’ll be adjectives such as hard, squeezy, and slooshy. And there’s something there like the D-day, where you did number two the whole day (that’s why you were absent at work or at school).

And you can place there how many times you’ve done it. Comparing it with your friend. I’m sure if you get the hang of it, you’ll enjoy it too like Friendster.

(Oo na. I’m stopping. I just don’t want to waste good ideas. Wow. With pun intention. Hahaha.)

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Update: Plurking feels like a YM conference with a twist. Wala lang.

And somebody posted in Plurk na pooping is one of the top ten most talked about things in Plurk. Odiba. Hahaha.

Of my dungeon master.

What is the meaning of life? Why do we all think that we are here? Do we have a reason why we are living?

Naks. All of a sudden you go philosophical.

No.

Let’s talk about my high school hobby instead.

During lunch hours there are around five or six of us who’ll round ourselves up in the darker part of the campus where the buffaloes roam and the jocks wouldn’t notice us. All of us have this sheet of paper individually with something written on it using a pencil.

Two books beside us and a variety of dices (is dices really the plural of dice? I’m so lazy to check it) on the other.

Yes, I was partly a part of the nerd society in high school. I’m just not your usual “hail thee our nerd master”. I just enjoyed stuffing ourselves with the daily dose of elves and gnomes and your usual monster.

I wasn’t even able to play the actual Advanced Dungeons and Dragons game. Since my friends aren’t even capable of buying the actual monster book we ought to change the game play instead. We included some mainstream powers such as the cosmic powers of Quasar and the vampiristic nature of a vampire (who else? Edward Cullen?). And we didn’t really play with all six dices (it was merely a fictional pre-blog yabang post). We played with the usual six-sided dice that I stole from the Mahjong table.

There was still some human interaction with what we’re doing. You can see the faces of the players you’re playing with and it was fun… for us.

It is just sad nowadays where everything is done in a computer. Computer this, computer that. It is purely virtual interaction. What will the future generation give us? Live-feed monitors in a cashier of a Mcdonald’s store. SONA done alone in a studio and you have to use the internet to watch it? I think you get my points.

And sometimes you’d probably hear in an AD&D game…

Guy Player 1: “Hey, are we playing later at your house?”

Guy Player 2: “Sure!”

Guy Player 1: “I’ll bring my woman Neutral Good Half-elf character.”

Guy Player 2: “I’ll use my man Neutral Bad Dwarf character.”

Guy Player 1: “So, it’s a double date?”

Guy Player 2: “Sure!”

Hahaha. Barber mode. Blech.

I’m still glad though that there are still some interactions out there. Like a Magic: The Gathering tournament for example or the E-heads concert or riding the MRT.

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I still don’t know how I should end this post. I was thinking of hating the MMORPG world. It is really making the newest generation stupid, for me that am. I mean I know someone who extended his Grand Master-dom by hiring bodyguards because people were harassing him. I just find that really, really stupid.

But then again, I found gold in WOW. I am a proudly a WOW-free person for the past two months already. I haven’t played that game. And it is really not suggested to play it. I suggest you play Civilization or Heroes of Might and Magic or The Sims as the novelty wears off lesser than a WOW game (WOW is a Japanese channel… err… it means World of Warcrap.)

These games are really hazardous to one’s health.

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Oh, I remembered in high school, I went “nag-kamay” when we were eating lunch with balut as viand. Bwahahaha. Adeek.